He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
