I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
