Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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