Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He better not be in your backpack
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
