You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
