xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
