Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
