Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
