Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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