Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
