You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize