I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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