The maid of honor just puked.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
