He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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