You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
