I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
