i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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