I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have post one night stand depression
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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