Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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