I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
