Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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