Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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