then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
