Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
