but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
