Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
