Buhtt sex?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize