Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
