Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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