This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You need Xanax blowdarts
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
