It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
