Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
