Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
