How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
