I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Welp...herpes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
