just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
