my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
