Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you never un-have a 4some
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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