there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
