I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
