Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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