i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
