his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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