Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
