perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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