he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
