My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
