I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
not ubering you a puppy
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
