What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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