the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
