ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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