I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
