I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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