So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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