He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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