she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
