you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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