You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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