Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
