I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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