If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
