It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
