she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
