Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
