I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My ass is underappreciated
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize