She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
