Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i would punch a child for taco bell
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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