i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
