For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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