Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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