my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
