and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
