I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
