I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
