If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
