you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
