How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
