I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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