It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
