is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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