Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
