she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She bit a glass in half.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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