Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
whose ass print is on the piano?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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