Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
