That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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