"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
