Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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