I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
