Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
